Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
