Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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