If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
