i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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