dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
