I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
