where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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