you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
