My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
