remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My bed smells like the plague
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
