i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
