I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
