omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
