3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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