I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
