It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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