that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
