Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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