her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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