The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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