I am puke
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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