I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there was a trapeze. enough said
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
