maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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