whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
