Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
