i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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