I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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