i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You made out with two different species that night
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
