I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
