Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
