You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.