I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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