I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
