Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
