sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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