I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
