Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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