I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
