she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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