Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize