good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
