i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
