Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
