You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it's like iHOP with fire
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
