Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
