i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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