My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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