Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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