I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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