dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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