dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
