How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
