We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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