Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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