it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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