I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
