Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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