thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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