so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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