why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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