Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
