My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
