Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
