So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
