oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
