Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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