He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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