Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
ttyl tear gas
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
