Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
