my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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