I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
