Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
