my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
