she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
