Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
